Emmy Loves Wine

Five Ways to Torture Your Boyfriend with a Movie You Probably Love.

Let’s play a game called “Emily’s had 2 glasses of wine, and she’s feeling sassy”. That being said, I want to address a movie which has made my life harder as a girl.

The Notebook.

Spare me, the extra energy of having to write a synopsis of The Notebook. Almost everybody, and their mother has been forced to watch this movie. If you don’t know what the movie is about then you can do something that starts with a “Goo” and ends with an “gle”.

Chock full of mushy gushy crap this movie had me at hello. “The Notebook” will be the movie that all girls force the boyfriends to watch for the rest of eternity.

Girls want to believe that their boyfriends will be as faithful, and persistent as Noah (main character), and even if they don’t have a lot of money they can build you a huge house out of matchsticks, and then you can have your own room where you paint and eat pancakes all day.

To which I say, “yeah, yeah, go fuck yourself”.

However, I am a girl. I was totally born with a uterus and other girl parts. So of course, I’ve watched “The notebook” a ga-gillion times, and internally sighed as I wondered if I would ever meet someone who didn’t suck.

It should be noted, that I almost always watch this movie when I’m wasted. My brother has walked in on me on more than one occasion while I’ve been stuffing my wasted in face with greasy food and watching The Notebook.

And so because I think that movie is bullshit wrapped in a neat package with a pretty bow. And because I find it quite funny when boys are forced to watch this movie in an effort to get laid. And so, I give you….

Five Ways to Torture Your Boyfriend with “The Notebook”:

5. Love is so great, until some asshole rips your heart out and feeds it to the neighborhood dog. Remember when Noah was like “Oh I’m to poor for you. The social pressure is too much, wahhhh!”, and then he dumped Allie, and she cried over his dumb ass for a year? That was some real ass shit. That’s how love is, minus the over the top reunion on a rowboat. During this part of the movie, start crying and and angrily tell your boyfriend that if he ever ends your relationship abruptly then he better start preparing to face your wrath.

4. While watching this movie you have a huge oppurtunity to force premature commitment on your significant other. Every time something even slightly romantic happens squeal “AWWWWW!” Then give him the googly eyes and propose marriage.

3. Two words. Senior Citizens. Rarely has a movie combined the four letter word known as “love” with so many wrinkles. I usually fast forward the parts that show Allie and Noah in their golden years. But, hey I guess old people have feelings too. Cra–zzzzzy. Every time, the “old” version of the couple appears on screen tell your boyfriend how you can’t wait to age gracefully with him.

2. So when are you gonna build me a dream home like Super-Noah? Badger your boyfriend as to why he hasn’t built you a big white house with blue shutters. Demand accommodations, and let him know that real love always comes in the form of blood, sweat, and tears.

1. Be kind, rewind . Force your boyfriend to watch the movie over and over again until his ears and eyes start to bleed.

Obviously, if you like your boyfriend you’ll only do half of the suggestions on the list.

But if your looking to dump some extra baggage (aka the someone formally known as special)or if your boyfriend has an excellent sense of humor and has recently has received a back alley lobotomy  then enjoy using the list to test the boundaries of your relationship!

Ok, my sleeping pills are starting to kick in. Sassy time is over and sleepy time is now in full effect.

This entry was posted on Friday, October 16th, 2009 at 12:53 am and is filed under Love, Sex, and Dating. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.